Rugolgo's Bizarre Adventure: A play created by Diego Marquina-Mendez.
As a matter of fact, this is the only play that was ever submitted to the "magazine", so I have this whole page to myself!!! (Diego himself is working on the page)
Some little drawings I whipped up for the play, pretty cool right? If you don't think so, feel free to eradicate my sense of self-worth!!!
Created by these three people:
Diego Marquina-Mendez- I did most of the writing, except the climax (the fight scene at the end, lol). The climax was written by:
Aaron J- Wrote the climax...!
Jasmine Cruz- She helped spice up the descriptions, but she left the project to pursue doing her own play..! The other play is not included in this package, you have to pay seperately for that (She didn't turn it in to the literary magazine, is what I meant, dimwit)
Rugolgo’s bizarre adventure
[Author’s note: When I was working on this, in my head it was supposed to be an animated cartoon, by the time I was two-thirds done with it I realized it was supposed to be a play. I then said “DAMN IT!!!” and added in tidbits to make it seem more like a play. However, the whole thing still feels like a cartoon to me (I'm an animator, so I imagine things as such), so… I don’t know about you people, hopefully you forget this is supposed to be a play~]
Character list:
Rugolgo: His name is derived from “Golgo”, a character from a Japanese manga which started publication in 1973 and for some reason is still ongoing, that’s scary. Either way, he’s a tall man, who wears a detective’s coat and black pants. His hair has a short widow’s peak and is dark and roundish in shape. He has a stern face. Although, his personality is the opposite of stern. He’s stupid, compared to the person he’s based on. Golgo was a sharp-witted man, who’s quick on his feet and was very dangerous. Rugolgo, on the other hand, is almost a complete idiot and is very oblivious to most things happening. He’s still good at martial arts and with guns… But that’s where the similarities stop. Well, aside from his physical appearance… You get the picture, he’s a parody. Also, I stole the name “Rugolgo” from an anime called Magical Shopping Arcade Abenobashi, which did a parody on Golgo-13 as well... I don’t recommend watching it, it’ll eat your brain cells. So yes, that’s why the name “Rugolgo” is weird. Also, Rugolgo’s kind of tanned...
Jack: He’s a french looking dude, with a curly mustache and short hair. He’s not actually french though and speaks with an American accent. He too is kind of dumb, but… not nearly as much as Rugolgo… Either way, he’s quick on his feet, at the very least… He wears a business suit, which is completely white. He also wears fancy velvet shoes. He always keeps his hands in his pocket. Very pale-skinned.
Alice: Rugolgo’s Ex-girlfriend. There’s a reason she and Rugolgo used to be together… She too, is kind of dimwitted. But she still has a sense of reason most of the time. I think. She wears a blue suit that covers her entire body. Kind of like Black Widow from Marvel Comics… So, you get the idea. Also, her hair’s blonde. She’s white.
Big Al: Big hillbilly-esque character. He wears those weird glasses Morpheus from the matrix wears… The ones that are circle-shaped, and are basically sunglasses. Unlike Morpheus from the Matrix films, he’s fat. Also, he wears a business suit. Pretty cool huh? He’s brown-skinned.
Phoenix: He looks like a business man.
Really, I shouldn’t explain when I have a simple explanation right here!!!! However, his personality? Well, he’s an evil guy that has the personality of a corrupt businessman… Really, he just wants to make more money! Just like me. That’s all I have to say. I was going to draw a picture for this description, but I got lazy. That’s all you get
The play itself
Act 1
Note from the author: The italics indicate the narrator’s speaking lines.
[Narrator starts speaking, almost sarcastically]
The year is 1983, and a good fellow named Rugolgo has just recently bought an atari 5200 that was on clearance for twenty-six dollars and ninety-three cents. Now, you might be questioning this astonishing feat of money spending. Well, turns out that Rugolgo is actually a retired assassin…!! He’s a self-centered dimwit who thinks of nothing but himself! He seems like the perfect person to take up the role of being an assassin... However, he has retired as of recently. And spends most of his money and time buying and reading Japanese comics (manga), and further ascends the ladder of degeneracy as time goes on. You might be thinking this is a John Wick reference, but you’d be sadly mistaken. It’s actually a Golgo-13 reference! Now, what is that you may ask? Well, I say use google… Either way, Rugolgo isn’t going to be retired for long, as an old acquaintance has come to pay him a visit…
[A sign is pulled up by the narrator which reads: *6 hours and 42 minutes before*]
[The narrator leaves the visible stage and in come Rugolgo and Jack. There is a cash register on the other end of the stage, where a person behind it is wearing a Mcdonald’s costume. They are at McDonald’s, pretty obvious. The narrator will then speak through a microphone outside of the visible stage.]
Rugolgo arrives at the local Mcdonalds to help himself cope during his daily existential crisis. Until suddenly…
Jack: Hello, Rugolgo~
Rugolgo: Uh, hello there.
Jack is a stereotypical french looking fellow. He has a curly mustache and looks like he gels his hair every day of the week. He also wears a business suit that’s as white as a lamb. A clean one.
Jack: You know, I was wondering where you’d gone off to after all this time. I sent you a bunch of letters in the mail, but you never seemed to send any back to me in return. I was hoping we could--
Rugolgo: Sorry, but who are you again? I don’t remember you… Again, sorry, but I have a hard time remembering faces.
Jack: Huh? Uh, alright then… Well--
Rugolgo: Look, I’m in the mood for some food that’s composed of the entire periodic table of elements, so please, leave me be. I’m in no mood for any so-called “talk”.
Jack: But, isn’t “talk” normal?
Rugolgo: Sorry man, but I don’t really want to talk to anybody right now. Now if you’ll excuse me--
Rugolgo turns to walk off towards the direction of the cash register, but is stopped by a hand grasping his arm.
Jack: HEY!
Growing weary, Rugolgo tries to pry him off.
Rugolgo: Please let me go. I’m not in the mood right now…
Jack: You know why I’m here don’t you? You’ve grown suspicious as of late… And you’d be right. I’m here to eradicate you.
Rugolgo is shocked and completely frozen.
Rugolgo: What? I didn’t notice any suspicious activity…!
Jack: What?!
Rugolgo: I always thought you were weird, but not because of what you did, but because your mustache looked weird. That’s all.
Jack: $&#@!! I just gave away my ploy! DAMN IT!!!
Rugolgo: So, you’ve come to kill me, is that right? Tell me something … do you know the reason why I wear a big coat like this in the first place?
Jack: No, and why would I… wait ...
Jack is frozen in shock, the realization slowly overtaking him.
Jack: No… it can’t be!
The tension is high. As Rugolgo pulls something out of his coat, the bystanders at the McDonalds are becoming fearful.
Rugolgo: Behold!
At this point, Jack is sweating a river. He looks like he’s nearly going to $#&@ himself, too.
Rugolgo: The first printing of the first volume of the Golgo-13 manga~
Jack: ...
Rugolgo: HYAH!
Rugolgo throws the book at Jack-
Jack: Ow! $#&*! My eye!
-and runs for it.
[Rugolgo runs off the stage, and so does Jack. The backdrop is changed to one of a parking lot. This indicates Rugolgo hasn’t gone far yet, that’s what he gets for eating junk food every day. Rugolgo then emerges from the left side of the stage, and starts slowly running towards the right, almost as if he’s getting tired.]
Rugolgo: Crap, the one day I go out without my guns, some guy is out to get me! DAMN IT! Hopefully that’ll buy enough time though… Oh.
Jack is following him and is starting to catch up.
Rugolgo: Damn it. This is what I get for being retired… I’m out of shape…
[Rugolgo starts breathing heavily and starts coughing a lot.]
Rugolgo turns around and gets into a fighting stance. Jack stops abruptly as well. The two look at each other.
Jack: What? Want to fight it out like real men?
[Rugolgo turns to the audience and starts talking to them, Jack is unaware of this, because this is just Rugolgo talking in his mind.]
Rugolgo in his mind: Jack doesn’t know that I actually have some mini pepper spray clenched in my right fist… Hopefully he buys this~ I can’t actually win in a hand to hand fight right now… I’ve gotten rusty lately...
Jack: Well, you should know, I have a yellow belt in karate, so you’re about to meet your maker…!
Rugolgo : Huh… What?
Jack in his mind: Damn it! I meant to say black belt! The Mcdonald’s sign’s color threw me off! $^#&!
Jack: That’s not what I meant, but it doesn’t matter! We’ll fight hand to hand, and I’ll show you that you have no right to underestimate me! Hyah!!!
[Jack runs off to Rugolgo.]
Rugolgo: Sorry, but I have to go.
[Rugolgo sprays the pepper spray at Jack, but it’s not actually pepper spray, it’s just water.]
Rugolgo uses his pepper spray on Jack, and Jack jumps back and reels in pain.
Jack: Ow, %&$@! My eyes!
Rugolgo: Take that! We’ll meet again soon!
[Rugolgo runs to the right and off the stage. Jack is on the ground in pain.]
Jack starts crying in despair. Poor man. Although, it is kind of pathetic that he fell for Rugolgo’s trap like that in the first place. I’d cry if I were him too. Sad! Rugolgo on the other hand is relieved that he survived an encounter like that in one piece, and runs to his car to drive back to his apartment that he’s late on paying his bills for. That’s what he gets for spending all of his money on buying nerd $^#&.
Rugolgo: Geez Louise, that was close! I didn’t even get to eat McDonald’s, but I’d rather survive than eat some food that gives me indigestion half the time. Oh well. I wonder why he wanted me dead. Weird… Well, then again, I am a retired assassin, so somebody out there is bound to want me dead... I never really thought it would come back to bite me...
Rugolgo drives off into the sunset, which blinds him momentarily and he hits a nearby car. Sad.
[You hear a car crashing sound effect that’s kind of quiet, to give the illusion that it happened far away… Also, we can’t have a real car on stage, that’s stupid, you idiot]
ACT 2, Time to take a leak
[This act begins in an apartment looking scenario. There is furniture on the left side, along with a bed. This is Rugolgo’s apartment. There is a prop door on the far right, indicating the outside of Rugolgo’s apartment room. It is very dark, and there is a prop window in the apartment portion meant to convey that it is nighttime.]
Rugolgo wakes up at 3 A.M to take a leak.
Rugolgo: Ah, that feels better. Now, off to bed so I can wake up and go to McDonald’s. Hopefully there’s no risk of dying...
There is a loud knock on the door.
Rugolgo: What.. Why now of all times…?
Rugolgo goes off to the door and looks through the peeping hole. He’s given himself an eye infection from looking through it before.
Rugolgo: Man, hopefully I don’t give myself an eye infection again! Hmm. What the!?
Rugolgo is surprised at who he sees through the peeping hole. It is his ex-girlfriend, Alice. He starts walking back to bed when suddenly she knocks even harder.
Alice: Rugolgo! I need to talk to you please!
Rugolgo: Geez Louise, she’s going to wake up the neighbors... I live in a small apartment, so if she keeps screaming the old lady next door’ll come hit me with her cane again...! I don’t want that.
Rugolgo opens the door and lets his ex come in.
Alice: Rugolgo! Jack, that one guy we ran into during that mission in Egypt, he’s coming to kill you!
Rugolgo: ...Uh... you’re late on that… He already tried to kill me this morning, or was it last morning…
Alice: Oh… I’m sorry, I should’ve been here sooner...
Rugolgo: No worries, I used pepper spray on him.
Alice: Huh…? Why?
Rugolgo: Uh, I left my guns at home…
Alice: I guess it only makes sense… You’re retired, even if retiring at age 36 is weird. But, it means you have a lot of money… You should lend me some, I’m going broke~
Rugolgo: Yeah, no thanks... Wait, why are you even still here?
Alice: Oh, right! Sorry, got off track..! Well… since Jack’s already attempted to kill you… “He” is coming now…
Rugolgo: Who…?
Alice: Uh… I don’t actually remember his name…
Rugolgo: You can’t be serious…!
Alice: Well, I know it’s based off of a bird… Ah! Phoenix was his name! Yeah, he was the secret leader of the organization we trumped with our cool assassin skills in Egypt! We never fought him though since the whole organization’s building crumbled before we were able to get to him… So I assumed he was dead…Wait, are you asleep..?! Wake up idiot!
Alice hits Rugolgo, and proceeds to repeat everything she said, with a little more attitude this time.
Rugolgo: Oh, okay, I get it now! Well! Off to bed, good night!
[Rugolgo turns around slowly begins to walk away.]
Alice: Wait, hold on! You can’t be so nonchalant about this! What if he comes for you in the middle of the night?
Rugolgo: Well, I guess you’re right… Do you know when he’s gonna strike?
Alice: Actually, I know where he’s at this very moment! Let’s go!
Rugolgo: Wait, wha..? Right now? No, please… I’m tired…
Rugolgo covers his head with his arms…!! P##sy!
Alice: You’ve been through worse, let’s go!
Rugolgo: WAIT! Hold on just a minute… Let’s get some McDonalds first.
Alice: …
ACT 3, End of Rugolgo (Evangelion reference, haha, I’m a degenerate)
[This act opens up to a backdrop of a tall building in the middle of a deserted part of town. It’s very dark. Alice and Rugolgo walk in from the left and look around like a bunch of dimwits]
Is Alice’s ploy to sneak attack Phoenix going to pan out right? Judging from the title of the act, you’d think it wouldn’t. But it might turn out differently! You never know. Now, onto the final act. I think.
Alice: Hey, shut up! We’re going to get caught…
Sorry, my bad…!
Alice: Alright, you might be wondering how the hell I know where Phoenix’s base is at, right? HUH?!
Rugolgo has fallen asleep again. Alice hits him on the head 3 times in a row and slaps him 6.5 times in a row. The reason why there’s a decimal is that she almost hit him the last time, but stopped short due to the ruckus she was making.
Rugolgo: You don’t have to be so loud, you know. Gee Willikers...
Alice: *Sorry!*
Alice was whispering, that’s why it’s in asterisks. Wait, this is a script, DAMN IT!
Rugolgo: Say, how do you know this is where Phoenix is located?
Alice: Ah, about that… That one time we were in Egypt. I actually found his corpse laying around, but I didn’t say anything about it because I wanted to steal some of the gold watches he was wearing, and yes, that’s plural. He was wearing like five of them, and I took ‘em all! Tee hee!
Rugolgo: I still don’t get it…
Alice: Well, I checked his pulse, and sure enough, he was dead. I used all the explosives to take out that ugly building the organization was in, so I had none left to wipe his ugly bowl cut off the face of the earth. I also didn’t want to get myself dirty and cut him up or anything… So I just sort of left him there…
Rugolgo: You what?!
Alice: Yeah… Sorry about that, my bad! That’s why I had to make it up to you, because it turns out, there’s this thing called clinical death, where it looks like you’re dead and even your pulse is gone… But, your brain is still alive! And, his people brought him back from the dead basically…
Rugolgo: I can’t believe I’m hearing this!
Alice: I know, I’m sorry! That’s why I have to make this up to you! That’s why we gotta kill him right now!!
Rugolgo: Okay, but how do you know exactly where he is…?
Alice: I put a tracker on his corpse just to see if his people did something with it, and they did… But hey~ At least we know where he’s at now… Which should be… over here.
Alice points to a little dot on her watch’s screen. A lot of science fiction stories from the ’80s had people with watches that had screens. Pretty ahead of its time, huh? Either way, the two venture out into this big ol’ tower that’s on the outskirts of town. Oh, right, what city are they exactly in? Well, I don’t know, what’s a ghetto city we can place these characters in? Let’s just say Osaka, since, you know, Rugolgo reads manga… Nobody read manga in the United States back then…
[This scene ends, and we have some unimportant people swap the backdrop and change it to one inside of a warehouse looking building, which has stairs in the back. It is pretty dark inside too, none of the lights are on. There are a bunch of crate props lying around to give the illusion of a warehouse. They are probably full of nothing.]
Alice: Alright, we just have to take the stairs and get to him quickly and as fast as possible! He’s probably got some people guarding the place!
Rugolgo: Like, that big fellow right there?
Alice: Jesus Christ!
There’s a big fellow a couple of feet to the left of them. He is very fat. Very...
Alice: I’ll stay behind to stall him, just take the stairs and get to Phoenix right away!
Rugolgo: Wait, why do I have to do it? Can’t you?
Alice: What? But, this is how most shonen manga is, I stay back to fight the lesser enemy, and then you go off to fight the big boss…
Rugolgo: Well, yeah, but… I’m tired, I might mess up…
Alice: Fine, we’ll go after him later then. Let’s just hurry up and do this...
While Rugolgo and Alice were taking their time making up their minds, the big fellow had actually been manifesting his energy. It’s his ultimate technique. He burns the fat in his body and turns it into raw unstoppable power. He is now very fit. Very!
Rugolgo: $&#*!
Big Al: Well, you two sure gave me some time to power up! Now, get ready to die!
Rugolgo: Wait, why don’t we just shoot him?
Alice: Oh yeah…
Big Al is shot four times in the left leg and falls to the ground. Don’t worry, they’re those rubber bullets that really hurt a lot but don’t pierce through the body. You know, to make this family-friendly. Wait, but the protagonists swear a lot… DAMN IT!!
Big Al: AIEEEEEE!
Rugolgo: Why'd we both aim for his left leg?
Alice: Not sure… Either way, he’s down, guess all that was all talk and no show…
Phoenix: Ah, I see you two have fared well against Big Al, but let me demonstrate to you what true power is.
[Phoenix comes in “floating”, but is actually being held by wires which suspend him in the air...]
Alice: Whoa, he’s floating!
Rugolgo: It’s just like one of my Japanese animes!
Rugolgo makes a Metal Gear Solid reference predating the actual game by approximately 15 years... Not funny in the current context.
Alice: What?
Rugolgo: Uh, don’t know why I said that… But, it still kind of makes sense...
Phoenix: Well, either way, after you two eradicated a good chunk of my men in the last fiasco in Egypt, I’ve let go of most of my main forces, and have focused on making myself stronger. Through countless scientific experiments and many days of experimental trial and error, I’ve finally achieved a way to give myself superhuman abilities that are comparable to those of Gods!
I can fly, I can see through objects, I have superhuman strength, and… I can teleport as well. Pretty sick!
Rugolgo: That madman! He’s going to use his newfound abilities to take over the world!
Phoenix: Normally I’d deny anything you say, but in this case you’d be right. I’ve been blessed with the luck to acquire such abilities, that it’d be a crime not to use them to change the world order…!
Alice: That crazy lunatic! Well, I guess you’re going to die either way… Sorry!
Rugolgo: No, not like this, we have to make a last stand. Like Custard did.
Alice: It’s… It’s Custer, not...
Rugolgo: Oh, really? Haha, my bad.
Alice: Yeah, well, let’s just go and fight him already.
Phoenix: You two... Fight me? That’s funny.
Alice: Rugolgo! I need to talk to you please!
Rugolgo: Geez Louise, she’s going to wake up the neighbors... I live in a small apartment, so if she keeps screaming the old lady next door’ll come hit me with her cane again...! I don’t want that.
Rugolgo opens the door and lets his ex come in.
Alice: Rugolgo! Jack, that one guy we ran into during that mission in Egypt, he’s coming to kill you!
Rugolgo: ...Uh... you’re late on that… He already tried to kill me this morning, or was it last morning…
Alice: Oh… I’m sorry, I should’ve been here sooner...
Rugolgo: No worries, I used pepper spray on him.
Alice: Huh…? Why?
Rugolgo: Uh, I left my guns at home…
Alice: I guess it only makes sense… You’re retired, even if retiring at age 36 is weird. But, it means you have a lot of money… You should lend me some, I’m going broke~
Rugolgo: Yeah, no thanks... Wait, why are you even still here?
Alice: Oh, right! Sorry, got off track..! Well… since Jack’s already attempted to kill you… “He” is coming now…
Rugolgo: Who…?
Alice: Uh… I don’t actually remember his name…
Rugolgo: You can’t be serious…!
Alice: Well, I know it’s based off of a bird… Ah! Phoenix was his name! Yeah, he was the secret leader of the organization we trumped with our cool assassin skills in Egypt! We never fought him though since the whole organization’s building crumbled before we were able to get to him… So I assumed he was dead…Wait, are you asleep..?! Wake up idiot!
Alice hits Rugolgo, and proceeds to repeat everything she said, with a little more attitude this time.
Rugolgo: Oh, okay, I get it now! Well! Off to bed, good night!
[Rugolgo turns around slowly begins to walk away.]
Alice: Wait, hold on! You can’t be so nonchalant about this! What if he comes for you in the middle of the night?
Rugolgo: Well, I guess you’re right… Do you know when he’s gonna strike?
Alice: Actually, I know where he’s at this very moment! Let’s go!
Rugolgo: Wait, wha..? Right now? No, please… I’m tired…
Rugolgo covers his head with his arms…!! P##sy!
Alice: You’ve been through worse, let’s go!
Rugolgo: WAIT! Hold on just a minute… Let’s get some McDonalds first.
Alice: …
ACT 3, End of Rugolgo (Evangelion reference, haha, I’m a degenerate)
[This act opens up to a backdrop of a tall building in the middle of a deserted part of town. It’s very dark. Alice and Rugolgo walk in from the left and look around like a bunch of dimwits]
Is Alice’s ploy to sneak attack Phoenix going to pan out right? Judging from the title of the act, you’d think it wouldn’t. But it might turn out differently! You never know. Now, onto the final act. I think.
Alice: Hey, shut up! We’re going to get caught…
Sorry, my bad…!
Alice: Alright, you might be wondering how the hell I know where Phoenix’s base is at, right? HUH?!
Rugolgo has fallen asleep again. Alice hits him on the head 3 times in a row and slaps him 6.5 times in a row. The reason why there’s a decimal is that she almost hit him the last time, but stopped short due to the ruckus she was making.
Rugolgo: You don’t have to be so loud, you know. Gee Willikers...
Alice: *Sorry!*
Alice was whispering, that’s why it’s in asterisks. Wait, this is a script, DAMN IT!
Rugolgo: Say, how do you know this is where Phoenix is located?
Alice: Ah, about that… That one time we were in Egypt. I actually found his corpse laying around, but I didn’t say anything about it because I wanted to steal some of the gold watches he was wearing, and yes, that’s plural. He was wearing like five of them, and I took ‘em all! Tee hee!
Rugolgo: I still don’t get it…
Alice: Well, I checked his pulse, and sure enough, he was dead. I used all the explosives to take out that ugly building the organization was in, so I had none left to wipe his ugly bowl cut off the face of the earth. I also didn’t want to get myself dirty and cut him up or anything… So I just sort of left him there…
Rugolgo: You what?!
Alice: Yeah… Sorry about that, my bad! That’s why I had to make it up to you, because it turns out, there’s this thing called clinical death, where it looks like you’re dead and even your pulse is gone… But, your brain is still alive! And, his people brought him back from the dead basically…
Rugolgo: I can’t believe I’m hearing this!
Alice: I know, I’m sorry! That’s why I have to make this up to you! That’s why we gotta kill him right now!!
Rugolgo: Okay, but how do you know exactly where he is…?
Alice: I put a tracker on his corpse just to see if his people did something with it, and they did… But hey~ At least we know where he’s at now… Which should be… over here.
Alice points to a little dot on her watch’s screen. A lot of science fiction stories from the ’80s had people with watches that had screens. Pretty ahead of its time, huh? Either way, the two venture out into this big ol’ tower that’s on the outskirts of town. Oh, right, what city are they exactly in? Well, I don’t know, what’s a ghetto city we can place these characters in? Let’s just say Osaka, since, you know, Rugolgo reads manga… Nobody read manga in the United States back then…
[This scene ends, and we have some unimportant people swap the backdrop and change it to one inside of a warehouse looking building, which has stairs in the back. It is pretty dark inside too, none of the lights are on. There are a bunch of crate props lying around to give the illusion of a warehouse. They are probably full of nothing.]
Alice: Alright, we just have to take the stairs and get to him quickly and as fast as possible! He’s probably got some people guarding the place!
Rugolgo: Like, that big fellow right there?
Alice: Jesus Christ!
There’s a big fellow a couple of feet to the left of them. He is very fat. Very...
Alice: I’ll stay behind to stall him, just take the stairs and get to Phoenix right away!
Rugolgo: Wait, why do I have to do it? Can’t you?
Alice: What? But, this is how most shonen manga is, I stay back to fight the lesser enemy, and then you go off to fight the big boss…
Rugolgo: Well, yeah, but… I’m tired, I might mess up…
Alice: Fine, we’ll go after him later then. Let’s just hurry up and do this...
While Rugolgo and Alice were taking their time making up their minds, the big fellow had actually been manifesting his energy. It’s his ultimate technique. He burns the fat in his body and turns it into raw unstoppable power. He is now very fit. Very!
Rugolgo: $&#*!
Big Al: Well, you two sure gave me some time to power up! Now, get ready to die!
Rugolgo: Wait, why don’t we just shoot him?
Alice: Oh yeah…
Big Al is shot four times in the left leg and falls to the ground. Don’t worry, they’re those rubber bullets that really hurt a lot but don’t pierce through the body. You know, to make this family-friendly. Wait, but the protagonists swear a lot… DAMN IT!!
Big Al: AIEEEEEE!
Rugolgo: Why'd we both aim for his left leg?
Alice: Not sure… Either way, he’s down, guess all that was all talk and no show…
Phoenix: Ah, I see you two have fared well against Big Al, but let me demonstrate to you what true power is.
[Phoenix comes in “floating”, but is actually being held by wires which suspend him in the air...]
Alice: Whoa, he’s floating!
Rugolgo: It’s just like one of my Japanese animes!
Rugolgo makes a Metal Gear Solid reference predating the actual game by approximately 15 years... Not funny in the current context.
Alice: What?
Rugolgo: Uh, don’t know why I said that… But, it still kind of makes sense...
Phoenix: Well, either way, after you two eradicated a good chunk of my men in the last fiasco in Egypt, I’ve let go of most of my main forces, and have focused on making myself stronger. Through countless scientific experiments and many days of experimental trial and error, I’ve finally achieved a way to give myself superhuman abilities that are comparable to those of Gods!
I can fly, I can see through objects, I have superhuman strength, and… I can teleport as well. Pretty sick!
Rugolgo: That madman! He’s going to use his newfound abilities to take over the world!
Phoenix: Normally I’d deny anything you say, but in this case you’d be right. I’ve been blessed with the luck to acquire such abilities, that it’d be a crime not to use them to change the world order…!
Alice: That crazy lunatic! Well, I guess you’re going to die either way… Sorry!
Rugolgo: No, not like this, we have to make a last stand. Like Custard did.
Alice: It’s… It’s Custer, not...
Rugolgo: Oh, really? Haha, my bad.
Alice: Yeah, well, let’s just go and fight him already.
Phoenix: You two... Fight me? That’s funny.
Phoenix, with a wave of his hand, unleashes a powerful flame.
[On stage, there will be flames unleashed by flame throwers on the floor of the stage. The two corresponding actors are to jump back, as to not get hurt. Don’t worry, we will have fire extinguishers just in case on the left side of the stage…]
[Phoenix claps his hands together, and slowly pulls them away, revealing a ball of energy between his palms. The energy in his palm will be a lit-up ball prop. The “energy grows”, and he throws his hands back to prepare to fire the blast he was charging up. When he throws his hands back you won’t see the ball fly away, because there will be a prop obscuring the ball being thrown. Haha. He then pushes his hands towards the two fellows, without any prop there (because he threw it away!). This gives the illusion that the energy is manifested into a blast. There is a large explosion, but Rugolgo and Alice jump back to avoid it. The explosion will be created by small fireworks, hopefully, it doesn’t set their clothes on fire…! It’s good we’re not actually acting this out, because this would’ve been impossible with my minimum wage salary!!]
Hey, this next part is going to serve as the narration and a way for the actors to know what to do. I’m lazy, haha~
Rugolgo: Wait, what?!
Rugolgo zones out for a bit, but breaks out of it after a second or two. He then proceeds to clench both his hands tightly and delivers a long war cry for this type of situation.
Rugolgo: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGHGHUGHUHGUHUG!
[Alice has a face of disbelief as she stares out to the audience]
His cry echoes throughout the stage with such ferocity and manliness... However, all Alice and Phoenix do is stand there in silence. Alice stares blankly at Rugolgo, then to Phoenix, and then back to Rugolgo.
Alice: Wait, what was that?
Rugolgo: I don’t know... I thought it’d be a cool way to pump myself up~
He then proceeds to rush Phoenix as if he was some sort of olympist going for the gold. Rugolgo then reels back his hand to deliver a POWERFUL blow into Phoenix’s chest but... With a single raise of the hand by Phoenix, the single hit was blocked. Alice stares in stunned disbelief while Phoenix just smirks at how more powerful he is.
Rugolgo: Uh hey, Alice? Maybe next time you go fir-
And just before he could finish that sentence; Phoenix; with the flick of his wrist pushes back Rugolgo with an invisible force. Something straight out of a sci-fi fantasy movie with wizards or something. Rugolgo stumbles backward to where he started and Alice tries to catch him.
Phoenix: Ehehe.. Ahahaha! Do you see it now? The difference between you and I is like the distance between the Earth and the sky! It’s like ants fighting against a mighty dinosaur! Maggots like you deserve only-
Alice: Enough with the evil monologue!
As soon as Alice was done snapping at Phoenix, the guy seemed pretty upset about it. He shifts his gaze to the left of thinking about how cool his lines were and that he had plenty more to say. But we’re on a time crunch here and this is the final act so back to the action!
Alice: Rugolgo, do you think you can rush him again?
Rugolgo: Yeah but only because that worked out so perfectly before!
Alice: It’s gonna work this time. Because now you got back-up.
Alice pulls a gun to her side, ready for Rugolgo to start the charge once again. He gets back on his feet and dusts off all that non-existent dirt off of himself.
Rugolgo: Man, I need a long deep sleep after this.. But.. LET’S GO! AGAIN!
And once again... Rugolgo rushes Phoenix, as he does so, Alice readies her gun and aims it at Phoenix. Rugolgo starts off this fight with a jump kick. Nice! But, Phoenix dodges with his abnormal abilities. Crossing his arms and slides away from the kick without even moving a muscle. Rugolgo stumbles with his landing after the jump kick but then gets back his composure and turns his back to Phoenix. Alice then starts firing at Phoenix! He quickly turns around and uses his supernatural powers to deflect them, bouncing off the floor and walls! But this was just a distraction as Rugolgo landed a roundhouse kick to Phoenix’s shoulder.
Phoenix: Hmph. Lucky shot!
Rugolgo goes into a street fighting stance.
Rugolgo: There’s gonna be more shots coming your way.
Surprised, Phoenix turns over to his shoulder to see Alice now charging with her gun still aiming at him. While distracted for that split second, Rugolgo makes a quick swipe at Phoenix, but he ducks in time. But there is no end to this assault just yet! While crouching down at an uncomfortable position, Phoenix is continuously shot at by Alice. He deflects the bullets once again but in the meantime, Rugolgo raises his right leg into the air ready to stomp it down on Phoenix as if he was some sort of disgusting bug!
Phoenix: Gotta move!
And he does exactly as he exclaims, he jumps back from the hard stomp that was meant for him. Is this enough time for a breather? Nope! Because Alice reloads her gun and aims at Phoenix all over again. In that mere second of gun aiming, something unexpected happened. Phoenix completely flinched! Losing his bravado for an instant! Alice just smirks at his mistake while Rugolgo goes all-in against Phoenix. Rugolgo lands a right hook across Phoenix’s face. Everything feels as if it’s on slo-mo now! As if the entire world flipped on its head for Phoenix! But, he retaliates in anger with a single swipe of his fist, pushing them both back incredible force! The duo skid on their shoes across the floor, doing their best not to fall over. The pair then regain their composure and strike their fighting stances.
Phoenix: I have entertained this charade long.. This.. Will end here.
For a few seconds, there is nothing but silence between the three... More and more silence...Okay... enough of that tension.
Phoenix: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!
Rugolgo & Alice: HAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Phoenix charges at them as if he was a bull rather than a guy named after a bird. The two lead their charge with their shoulders and clash against Phoenix upon impact. Knocking back each other and Phoenix gives a sinister, toothy grin. Everyone regains their composure and clashes once more. This time with a flurry of kicks and punches. Alices goes for the low end of Phoenix and jabs at his legs. Rugolgo goes up high and launches a series of kicks to Phoenix’s torso and arms. The overwhelming might of these two! Phoenix does his best to block and counter, trying to focus with Rugolgo to his left and Alice to his right- What’s this? The duo has switched sides! Rugolgo is now aiming low while Alice goes for the top! What an unbelievable pair! It’s like these two practiced this in their spare time just for this occasion! Phoenix then breaks their combo by punching Rugolgo in the gut! Is it over? Nope! Rugolgo retaliates by getting a tight hold onto that very arm and ducking his head down. Quick as lightning, Alice comes in and elbows Phoenix square in the face knocking him a couple of feet. That’s gotta hurt! Hazy from that very blow, Rugolgo then uppercuts Phoenix, making him fall onto the ground and cracking it.
Phoenix: $^&#!
So much for this being a mini-play. Either way, Phoenix is drained of most of his superhuman abilities, and is distraught that he was beaten by two people who had no possession of such powers. I guess skill is always more important than strength...
[Phoenix continues to lay on the ground, and has a look of sad discomfort on his face.]
Phoenix: Well, wow. I’m surprised I was outmatched… It’s honestly flabbergasting that I met such an untimely defeat. Well, I give up. I’m done, I don’t stand a chance against the two of you~
Alice: Well, let’s call the police and bring him in.
Rugolgo: Won’t we go to jail too? Even if the only jobs we’ve ever taken in our careers were against evil people, we still killed them… Not sure if the authorities’ll give us a pass on that...
Alice has a distorted expression on her face~
Alice: Oh yeah, haha…
Rugolgo and Alice walk off back to where they came, to their 1983 Pontiac 6000STE that they stole from a nearby pawn shop. Pretty cool car, huh? So, yeah, they’d probably go to jail if they turned Phoenix in…
[The two go up to the center of the stage and bow. They then proceed to step over Phoenix, kind of hurting him. He grunts in discomfort on being a carpet for them.]
The end, finally
[On stage, there will be flames unleashed by flame throwers on the floor of the stage. The two corresponding actors are to jump back, as to not get hurt. Don’t worry, we will have fire extinguishers just in case on the left side of the stage…]
[Phoenix claps his hands together, and slowly pulls them away, revealing a ball of energy between his palms. The energy in his palm will be a lit-up ball prop. The “energy grows”, and he throws his hands back to prepare to fire the blast he was charging up. When he throws his hands back you won’t see the ball fly away, because there will be a prop obscuring the ball being thrown. Haha. He then pushes his hands towards the two fellows, without any prop there (because he threw it away!). This gives the illusion that the energy is manifested into a blast. There is a large explosion, but Rugolgo and Alice jump back to avoid it. The explosion will be created by small fireworks, hopefully, it doesn’t set their clothes on fire…! It’s good we’re not actually acting this out, because this would’ve been impossible with my minimum wage salary!!]
Hey, this next part is going to serve as the narration and a way for the actors to know what to do. I’m lazy, haha~
Rugolgo: Wait, what?!
Rugolgo zones out for a bit, but breaks out of it after a second or two. He then proceeds to clench both his hands tightly and delivers a long war cry for this type of situation.
Rugolgo: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGHGHUGHUHGUHUG!
[Alice has a face of disbelief as she stares out to the audience]
His cry echoes throughout the stage with such ferocity and manliness... However, all Alice and Phoenix do is stand there in silence. Alice stares blankly at Rugolgo, then to Phoenix, and then back to Rugolgo.
Alice: Wait, what was that?
Rugolgo: I don’t know... I thought it’d be a cool way to pump myself up~
He then proceeds to rush Phoenix as if he was some sort of olympist going for the gold. Rugolgo then reels back his hand to deliver a POWERFUL blow into Phoenix’s chest but... With a single raise of the hand by Phoenix, the single hit was blocked. Alice stares in stunned disbelief while Phoenix just smirks at how more powerful he is.
Rugolgo: Uh hey, Alice? Maybe next time you go fir-
And just before he could finish that sentence; Phoenix; with the flick of his wrist pushes back Rugolgo with an invisible force. Something straight out of a sci-fi fantasy movie with wizards or something. Rugolgo stumbles backward to where he started and Alice tries to catch him.
Phoenix: Ehehe.. Ahahaha! Do you see it now? The difference between you and I is like the distance between the Earth and the sky! It’s like ants fighting against a mighty dinosaur! Maggots like you deserve only-
Alice: Enough with the evil monologue!
As soon as Alice was done snapping at Phoenix, the guy seemed pretty upset about it. He shifts his gaze to the left of thinking about how cool his lines were and that he had plenty more to say. But we’re on a time crunch here and this is the final act so back to the action!
Alice: Rugolgo, do you think you can rush him again?
Rugolgo: Yeah but only because that worked out so perfectly before!
Alice: It’s gonna work this time. Because now you got back-up.
Alice pulls a gun to her side, ready for Rugolgo to start the charge once again. He gets back on his feet and dusts off all that non-existent dirt off of himself.
Rugolgo: Man, I need a long deep sleep after this.. But.. LET’S GO! AGAIN!
And once again... Rugolgo rushes Phoenix, as he does so, Alice readies her gun and aims it at Phoenix. Rugolgo starts off this fight with a jump kick. Nice! But, Phoenix dodges with his abnormal abilities. Crossing his arms and slides away from the kick without even moving a muscle. Rugolgo stumbles with his landing after the jump kick but then gets back his composure and turns his back to Phoenix. Alice then starts firing at Phoenix! He quickly turns around and uses his supernatural powers to deflect them, bouncing off the floor and walls! But this was just a distraction as Rugolgo landed a roundhouse kick to Phoenix’s shoulder.
Phoenix: Hmph. Lucky shot!
Rugolgo goes into a street fighting stance.
Rugolgo: There’s gonna be more shots coming your way.
Surprised, Phoenix turns over to his shoulder to see Alice now charging with her gun still aiming at him. While distracted for that split second, Rugolgo makes a quick swipe at Phoenix, but he ducks in time. But there is no end to this assault just yet! While crouching down at an uncomfortable position, Phoenix is continuously shot at by Alice. He deflects the bullets once again but in the meantime, Rugolgo raises his right leg into the air ready to stomp it down on Phoenix as if he was some sort of disgusting bug!
Phoenix: Gotta move!
And he does exactly as he exclaims, he jumps back from the hard stomp that was meant for him. Is this enough time for a breather? Nope! Because Alice reloads her gun and aims at Phoenix all over again. In that mere second of gun aiming, something unexpected happened. Phoenix completely flinched! Losing his bravado for an instant! Alice just smirks at his mistake while Rugolgo goes all-in against Phoenix. Rugolgo lands a right hook across Phoenix’s face. Everything feels as if it’s on slo-mo now! As if the entire world flipped on its head for Phoenix! But, he retaliates in anger with a single swipe of his fist, pushing them both back incredible force! The duo skid on their shoes across the floor, doing their best not to fall over. The pair then regain their composure and strike their fighting stances.
Phoenix: I have entertained this charade long.. This.. Will end here.
For a few seconds, there is nothing but silence between the three... More and more silence...Okay... enough of that tension.
Phoenix: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!
Rugolgo & Alice: HAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Phoenix charges at them as if he was a bull rather than a guy named after a bird. The two lead their charge with their shoulders and clash against Phoenix upon impact. Knocking back each other and Phoenix gives a sinister, toothy grin. Everyone regains their composure and clashes once more. This time with a flurry of kicks and punches. Alices goes for the low end of Phoenix and jabs at his legs. Rugolgo goes up high and launches a series of kicks to Phoenix’s torso and arms. The overwhelming might of these two! Phoenix does his best to block and counter, trying to focus with Rugolgo to his left and Alice to his right- What’s this? The duo has switched sides! Rugolgo is now aiming low while Alice goes for the top! What an unbelievable pair! It’s like these two practiced this in their spare time just for this occasion! Phoenix then breaks their combo by punching Rugolgo in the gut! Is it over? Nope! Rugolgo retaliates by getting a tight hold onto that very arm and ducking his head down. Quick as lightning, Alice comes in and elbows Phoenix square in the face knocking him a couple of feet. That’s gotta hurt! Hazy from that very blow, Rugolgo then uppercuts Phoenix, making him fall onto the ground and cracking it.
Phoenix: $^&#!
So much for this being a mini-play. Either way, Phoenix is drained of most of his superhuman abilities, and is distraught that he was beaten by two people who had no possession of such powers. I guess skill is always more important than strength...
[Phoenix continues to lay on the ground, and has a look of sad discomfort on his face.]
Phoenix: Well, wow. I’m surprised I was outmatched… It’s honestly flabbergasting that I met such an untimely defeat. Well, I give up. I’m done, I don’t stand a chance against the two of you~
Alice: Well, let’s call the police and bring him in.
Rugolgo: Won’t we go to jail too? Even if the only jobs we’ve ever taken in our careers were against evil people, we still killed them… Not sure if the authorities’ll give us a pass on that...
Alice has a distorted expression on her face~
Alice: Oh yeah, haha…
Rugolgo and Alice walk off back to where they came, to their 1983 Pontiac 6000STE that they stole from a nearby pawn shop. Pretty cool car, huh? So, yeah, they’d probably go to jail if they turned Phoenix in…
[The two go up to the center of the stage and bow. They then proceed to step over Phoenix, kind of hurting him. He grunts in discomfort on being a carpet for them.]
The end, finally
Hello, thanks for reading this play. I did it on a whim, because I forgot that it was due and I ended up overdoing it~
Well, thanks again, and go to the other pages to read more stuff...!
Well, thanks again, and go to the other pages to read more stuff...!